It is ok to stumble
From Doubts to Discovery – Navigating Dreams and Realities
Well people, life happened. The artist (that is me) and the brain (that is supposedly also me, but sometimes I am not sure) are here to tell you that it is ok to stumble.
I stumbled a lot those past few months and it felt more and more like losing myself to an endless stream of hows and whens and ifs - my fear of failing happily frolicking along with my imposter syndrome.
I wasn’t sure if this was all worth it. The dream of being independent, working on my own and at my own conditions has been in my mind for so long, I kind of lost touch with the reality of it. And, if you live in Germany like me, the reality is a lot of paperwork, business plan writing and calls to official people. So, this reality hit me in the face those last weeks and months. Day by day I was reminded that, while I am perfectly capable of dealing with all this official stuff, I really, really dislike it. It goes as far as me wanting to write a business plan for my own merit but disliking it utterly as soon as I have to do it for the officials.
All this business blabber underneath I had to admit that I felt anxious about my daughter starting daycare at the beginning of August, which also was a crucial part of the plan. With her around I can do a lot of stuff but painting quietly on my own paper or my iPad or dealing with bookkeeping and so on is not in the mix. So I took her to the daycare lady on August 1 and stayed with her for an hour and who would’ve thought (well we suspected it), after that first day, she went there on her own. At first for two hours and we have been increasing the time ever since. She is in her third week now and stays for lunch and her nap. It is incredible and I am in awe of this little person’s faith and trust.
But back to the business stuff. I am now knee deep in writing my business plan, numbers and all, and anxiously await the first feedback. While doing this I try to get on top of all the things I still have to do for the feeling that my business really started. For example
Take care of insurances, healthcare and business
Set up print on demand stores like society6 or redbubble
Create my own business newsletter
Update all the profiles like linkedin, behance or the illustrator organization
and so on…
The list is a lot longer but I won't bore you with the details (except you want to know?).
Anyway, it all turned around last week. After I had a very inspiring conversation with a friend, a girls night with my sister (first time I slept somewhere else without the little croissant) and a talk with my husband, I finally feel like getting out of the woods. I found that I need to make a few things more clear to myself:
It is ok to ask for help. Being a solopreneur does not mean doing everything on your own. Build a network (business and private) and ask for support.
What I do is valid and what I do is good. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but it all serves a purpose.
It is ok to be afraid.
It’s worth doing it anyway.
So, with those things in mind, I felt an energy shift which I happily invited in. I still need to figure stuff out and do a lot of groundwork but I feel that I am on the right path. A path that resonates within me so much more than anything I ever did in my life.
So if you are struggling, if you are unsure, if you are afraid. Know that it is ok. Take those feelings and embrace them as a part of your path and release them. You will find your way.
Lots of love and reassurance.
Nora